Posts tagged: awful album covers
There is but one way to put an end to the Garvis. You must kill the middle Garvis. When his head is beneath the stars launch your steel into his eager neck and slake the cold blade’s righteous thirst. Without his power the other four Garvis are bootless. They will gnash and wail a pungent song that will make your ears bleed. Their eyes will turn to stone and their bodies will melt into smoke and ash.
And the graves will shudder and the birds will wake in the sky and for the passing of 10 saeculum no one will dare mention the name of the Garvis; and the world will be safe. Until one day when someone will make fun of the Garvis on a part-time blog about stupid looking album cov… oh. Oh no. Oh God, what have I done?
My pet project awfulalbumcovers:
X-Men! This is Terry Riley. I am communicating to you telepathically to warn you that Kitty Pryde is in grave danger! There are some… mutant bad guys in the area! You’d better give me her phone number so that I can, like, call to warn her.
X-Men! Terry Riley here. I have another telepathic message. Kitty Pryde left her pen in the library. I only noticed it because I happened to be staring in her general direction at the time. Not looking at her specifically, mind you. My eyes went soft. Please tell her that. We may have locked eyes. Anyway, what was my point? Pens! This pen looks kinda important. Like it’s her favorite pen or something. If someone could “think” me her digits real quick I’ll let her know.
X-Men! Me again. T. Riles? Telepathic powers. I wear that cape? More like a towel, really. I learned a cool trick: think of a number between 1 and Kitty Pryde’s phone number. Don’t forget the area code.
The year 1775
Hiya, I’m your new neighbor! You hear about this Continental Congress? There’s talk among the colonies we’ll be splitting from England soon. Oops, you just vomited. Bless and keep our King, I agree. Anyway, if you need me I’ll be inside in the dark since electricity isn’t a thing yet and I’m afraid of fire. Say hi to that slave for me. Bye the way I’m half-fish!
I have some fun doing this other blog called Awful Album Covers and not enough people follow it. So don’t be a jerk. Follow it.
This fellow keeps showing up on the handle end of my toothbrush, rapping, telling me “don’t forget to floss!” So I can show my teeth “who is the boss.” And flash my pearly whites “like Diana Ross.” And… “the sin of not flossing led our Lord and Savior to bleed and die on the cross?”
Really hygienic, this guy.
Right then, we made a deal! Here’s the baby; now give me back my bolo ties!
What was it Billy Ocean always used to say in the 80’s? “Hi, I’m Billy Ocean. I bet when I get slightly older and graying I grow big ass Predator dreadlocks.”
I might just be having too much fun doing these.