Posts tagged: lol
If you just insert the words ‘like’ or ‘man’ in the titles of episodes of Through the Wormhole with Morgan Freeman it makes you sound HIGH as SHIT:
Like, Is Time Travel… Possible?
What Happened Before the Beginning, Man?
Is Reality, Like, Real?
Did We Invent God, Man?
From my experience this is what you never say to her:
"Hey Monica after we split this check lets watch guys shoot dice at my friend Jerome’s place. You remember Jerome? He perms his hair and does that impression of Tupac in Juice. Gonna need you to pay for parking too hon’.”
I watched an infomercial today for something called the Big Skinny wallet. They say in it that “the Big Skinny wallet solves the top 5 wallet problems since 2005.” A truly humbling statistic.
Now I know what you’re thinking…”What are the top 5 wallet problems? And hurry up, I’m at the scene of a crime!” Well here they are you loathsome criminals:
#5 Sharp leather corners like knives
#4 Greaser wallet chain asphyxiation
#3 Jason Bourne (blames wallets on Treadstone)
#2 The makers of Clown Pockets™. “Clown Pockets: Play it loose!”
#1 Emptiness :(
MORE BREAKING NEWS: America. Your black President has been replaced. I’m your black President now. Someone get me a mango smoothie. Tell my wife, who I love, that if she wants to shop at the mall don’t look at me. The Secret Service can drive her.
And tell DERRICK HAWKINS who borrowed my grill master eight months ago that if I don’t get it back by the next State of the Union he can consider his ass on a no-flight list.
Any questions? I ain’t think so.
Don’t get taken in by the glamour of that turquoise blue mood ring. His “Crystal Cave” refers to the butt hole.
"I don’t give a shit! You get a gold toilet bowel in my dressing room bathroom or I won’t take a shit!"